Prepare for a rant…
I think parents and non-parents would agree that sometimes it is tempting to scream “Control your child!!!” – Obviously directed at the ignorant parent chatting up a storm with some other ignorant parent while their child maliciously attacks other children at a preschool style playground with a weapon of mass destruction.
I wish I were exaggerating, but such was the scene yesterday afternoon at the playground by my house. Okay, maybe the mass destruction part was an exaggeration, but just slightly. I would have taken photographic evidence to put here, but I was too busy trying to protect my children from what would certainly have been
their sudden demise a serious injury. I mean what parent in their right mind
sends a 4 year old boy into a playground full of other preschoolers with a
large, heavy plastic sword!?! And sits idly by while said 4 year old wields it
above his head, swings it wildly and swiftly whacks every innocent bystander in
I quickly collected my girls and removed them from the obviously dangerous situation until the terrorizing 4 year old left the playground. However, as is probably not surprising given that I am still ranting about this a day later, I regret my certain inaction in the situation. Unfortunately, I am an avoider and hate confrontation. Here is how my inner devil wishes I had handled the situation:
I quickly divest the 4 year old hooligan of his weapon, pick him up and deposit him in the baby swing, where is now effectively inhibited and his reign of terror ceases. I march over to the ignorant parent and call her out while waving the plastic sword in my hand. She stands up and I give her the biggest atomic wedgie that has ever been performed on a human being (thanks to her enormous granny panties), and then I whack her in the gut with the plastic sword and politely suggest that she collect her little hooligan and be sure to never return to
my kingdom this
playground again. The crowd cheers as I stand atop the playground slide with the sword held high above my head shouting "Freedom!"
Sigh… that feels better.